Friday, 5 January 2018

A New Year....

So another year has been and gone and what a fucked-up year it was.

I cannot believe that cancer would strike - and so many times. Fortunately younger son is feeling a lot better. The bowel cancer is in remission and the Melanoma has been removed but of course he has to continue with checkups for both from now on. His body is starting to adjust to the weekly chemo doses and he can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He isn't happy about taking chemo drugs for the rest of his life but then if it keeps him alive then that's what must be. DIL got her results back and she cleared - benign!!

I have my 'two months after final cancer treatment' checkup later this month and hoping for good news. I've gone onto a health kick (although I've blown it over the holiday break) and have lost weight. I'm also walking three times a week - funny how having cancer puts things into perspective.

I've always been someone who tends to live for the day and not worry too much about tomorrow and now I am more so. It's been a shit 6 months coping with my diagnosis and the fact I did it alone without any support but I think I've come out the other side stronger.

The old saying 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' is so true.

Thankfully I've never relied on anyone, I never had girlfriends/friends, for almost the past 6 years I haven't even gone out on a I've always coped with things alone. Perhaps the reason is so I can cope with all that's been thrown my way over the years. Perhaps it is my strength to be alone. So anyway although it was a horrid struggle at times I made it through - and without breaking down into a screaming heap.

Mind you I think if I'd had someone by my side I probably would There were plenty of times I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out but I didn't. It would have been a dark pit that I would never have been able to climb out of. I know that pit intimately and I am determined to never go there again. Too many times I struggled and attempted suicide but that is also part of my strength - I've fought the 'black dog' and won!

Anyway this is a new year with new hopes.

I intend to put the cancer behind and get on with living each day to the fullest. I intend to paint, I intend to write and I intend to enjoy every day as if it were the last - I intend to have fun and live!

You've got to sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’
It’s gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.

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